I need to preface this post with a warning that this becomes very personal. It’s a post I have been struggling with for many hours or more with, and I pray that what I say is not inappropriate. One of the things that has touched me so deeply is the openness and transparency I saw on a special blog today. I want to emulate some of that in my life.
This blog, FullCircledMe has been slow making its way, and I am okay with that. It took me 28, almost 29 years to get to the point where I created a blog about life with chronic pain & fatigue. After 15 yrs of writing, participating and creating different forums and newsletters I decided I wanted more control over what I could speak to. And one of the things I wanted to speak to is thriving with a chronic illness. I wanted to speak to the power of positiveness as well. This is a word that holds such great promise. And the holder is the one who decides what those promises are. How empowering that is for someone living with any kind of chronic illness. Imagine how powerful that can be for someone who has a terminal illness. I read about some of that empowerment today
I have been blessed by this award, for this blog that has a special place in my heart. I have been blessed too by meeting this woman who I am honestly blown completely away by. She & Her daughter are what her blog is all about, only it’s so much more. It’s actually the story of her daughters terminal illness. You see Tersia is the woman who awarded this Lovely award to FullCircledMe, and more importantly she is the mother of her beloved daughter Vic. Her blog is Vic’s story. I encourage you to visit and read. her @ http://tersiaburger.com/2012/09/28/this-is-vics-journey/comment-page-1Praising Be prepared to cry. But most importantly also be prepared to be empowered like I was, and walk away magically with a bit of a smile placed in your heart. You might not even realize it is there at first, like The Elusive Butterfly still in its cocoon; until you start to feel the transformation happening. A slow smile growing in your heart
How meaningful this award comes today. I am humbled completely by it.
Thank you Tersia so very much for thinking of me, and this blog that is obviously so much apart of who I am. This award is its first. My humble thanks.Blessings to you both, and some laughter, times of just being together.I admire the grace you both have.
From Tersia’s blog”http://tersiaburger.com/2012/09/29/lovely-blog-award/
The Rules for The Lovely Blog Award:
– Thank the person who nominated you and link to them in your post. – Share seven unknown things about yourself. -* Nominate other bloggers and blogs that you like or admire. – Contact the bloggers you nominate to let them know and to link them back to your post.
My 7: For this blog and this post I will do what I usually do not. Make it about pain & fatigue On this last Sunday of September. Chronic Pain Month. Please know that I am adding this type of 7 random things only as a personal comment about living with chronic pain.& fatigue. This is not about pleas for sympathy.
- I live with a dull headache in the back of my head and in my jaws 27/7. I honestly forget sometimes now. But when I get quiet and turn inwards it reminds me I am still alive. Still feeling.
- I also have chronic muscle spasms that did start in my face & jaws, my head in 1984, they have now moved down into my neck, shoulders and upper thoracic. I am able with medications and daily yoga stretching to pretty much keep them to a dull roar. That is what I call success.
- Chronic fatigue is what I still do not do gracefully. There is a deficit starting out and with insomnia it increases until there are times when the fatigue takes front seat. This effects what I can and cannot do on a daily basis. This has become natural ebb & flow of my body’s own circadian clock but can play havoc with a social life.
- I have a collection of ice packs and heating pads at the ready . These are my first two lines of defense. Living with c/pain & fatigue just means being prepared with things that have proven to be winners for you. Ice & heat are that for me.
- I also benefit from regular massages. This may be the best thing about living in pain I have a built-in excuse to pay for a massage if need be. My dream would be of course to have a built-in masseuse.
- If I am having a sever pain spike you are likely not to see or hear from me much until it calms down. I have never ever been comfortable being around anyone when my pain has spiked to where I am having difficulty coping. It’s in that sense of loss of any control, which I never had in the first place, that I cow down too the pain. Its my wall. This is when it is too much. This is when I want to be alone usually. I don’t want to even have to talk. Thankfully, again I am in a good place now.
- Taking ny daily inventory. Of myself. for Myself. Did I give of myself just even a little bit back? Did I create a positive and toxic free lifestyle for myself today? Was there something I left out, or should have addressed? Did I tell those ho mean something to me that they in fact do?
I am grateful for the month of September as its held up as Chronic Pain Awareness Month calling attention to the issues that people who live in chronic pain and fatigue have to deal with. What I listed are just some of the physical aspects of my own illness. That is another thing…. C/Pain is subjective and it can be very different from one person to the next, or it can be the same as the next persons. What it cannot be is something to be taken for granted.
I see this for myself as having two choices in how I address my lifestyle and living with chronic pain; I could let those 7 random facts about myself rule my life, make my identity through them. Or I can choose to table what is going on with me when the levels are low enough to let go of, and focus on anything else but those 7 random things. Focus on anything but myself.
I prefer to grab my life, grab it, run with it, not to be held down by 7 random facts ever, about anything.
Note from Baroness: “This is my personal story. Not to be confused at all with anyone else who lives in C/Pain & Fatigue, and has a chronic illness. It has taken me close to 30 yrs to achieve this. You should know I had some really hard years too so please do not feel I am being flippant and insensitive to anyone who is struggling to find even a low-level spike – just to ge st break. I do know this too. I get it.
I just want you to know if you are having a hard time to please not give up. I promise it will get better. Not fast enough I know. But it will.
* This is the point I always struggle with when receiving ana ward I am to name my own choice to who pass this award to. I actually was in this conundrum on my other blog, Barefoot Baroness recently. I have to beg forgiveness once again. For me to choose would mean I would be here an additional day or two at the rate I make those choices. Actually, to be honest I don’t like having to choose which bloggers I think should warrant an award. I think every one of my followers are extraordinary and phenomenal people and all deserve awards. If someone wants to throw tomatoes at me for being as cheeky to make up my own rules remember they will only stain your computer screen. And what an awful mess to have to clean up.
- Invisible Illness Unveiled: Supporting Silent Sufferers, guest post by “Purpose of Pain” (iwokeupyesterday.com)
- At Full Circle (fullcircledme.wordpress.com)
- Only For Awareness… In September (fullcircledme.wordpress.com)
- National Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Association Hosting Leaders Against Pain™ National Training Event For New & Veteran Support Group Leaders and Patient Advocates in DC (prweb.com)