Patience, Where Art Though? Part Two

I have made this letter longer, because I have not had the time to make it shorter.

Blaise Pascal.

{ Continued from part one…}

I waited to hear from someone from Dr Swift’s about a schedule for the ablation this last week. I was hoping it was going to happen sooner than not. By Tuesday when I’d still had no call from his office I phoned them. I also now had a prescription that needed refilled since I was still waiting. When my call was returned his nurse told me they just had received pre-authorization from my insurance company. Really? Okay, it took over a week? A  bit unusual but I am not looking for an argument or to be a right fighter, I need the ablation procedure. His nurse continued to say that I would next hear from Dr Swifts surgical scheduler and be put on his schedule for this coming Friday, when he does the ‘burns” or the following next Friday.

That was this last Friday. I am getting even more frustrated and I keep turning it over to God. Just get me through the next 12 hours Lord. Then 12 more. And I know He will. This I do not doubt.

I missed last friday’s schedule apparently, never hearing again from his office by phone. But I received a letterr. A letter that obviously went out to all his patients last week that states as of the end of June Dr Swift will be leaving the practice he’s at now where I see him, and moving to another. “At least he will still be in town here” I tell my sinking hear.t  The thought of having finally found a physician who is proactive for my case, and then the threat of possibly losing that asset on my team is almost too much to cope with. This last week as my patience is slowing running away from me I start to feel that it’s not much different from when years ago in the very beginning of my medical curiosities I was doctor shopping for someone, – anyone –  who had answers I needed.  I waited all week, and by Thursday afternoon the hope of having the ablation done this last Friday and on the road to those nerves healing was soon a fleeting moment that danced across my mind in one full swoop and in the next right out the window it went.

And more frustration creeps in and I am running our of steam. .

I was almost out of patience by Thursday night. I think that pain wise I was just hanging on because I thought I saw possible relief on the near horizon.  It’s easy to tell yourself you can do something for a small period of time, sometimes having to break the time down by minutes by minute.

By the time I know I have at least another week to wait my coping skills that I usually am quite proud of flew right out the window.

Feeling like I am falling through the cracks of Dr Swift leaving one practice for another. Short timers at one clinic no doubt allows without malice for some things to be buried on a busy desk, packing files and etc must create a sense of chaos. I get it. It is just the nature of the beast when it comes to moving. I moved a year ago next month and am still looking for items that I know are in some box that has yet to be unpacked. (Thank you double car garage.) So I am aware of how things can get out of control when moving; and I don’t have a personal issue with the clinic or Dr.  Swift,  It’s all business for me, being his patient that is all I am interested in.

I could be wrong, but his nurse used these very words when I had to be the one insisting it was proper to go forward with the ablation after speaking with Dr Swift, and needing appointments, and nothing was happening. She apologized and said that the office was a mess and she was sorry that my procedure appointment  “fell through the cracks. This has happened twice during the process of trying to get this procedure to become a reality.

And I am frustrated beyond what is good for me. Or really for anyone else around me. For that reason and because of the pain spikes I am isolating myself in the bedroom. Away from my family on purpose. This way I do not say something I don’t mean and have to take back, My husband God Bless him and our entire family know this is what I do when the brain begins to go tilt, I am not imposing my mood on those around me that I love, Because although I am not by nature a mean or nasty person I’ve been known to get a bit negative and unpleasant to be around when I am hurting beyond what I am able to cope with,  So I choose to stay alone pretty much during times like this. I don’t mind, it’s time for prayer, devotional reading, some lap artworks,  Thankfully for everyone concerned in my family and close friendships this rarely happens anymore – that my pain level is allowed to spike so high I have trouble coping. I could take the hard-core RX meds that I have prescribed,  I have  before and will again. That would leave my choice of being in pain; or under the influence of such strong pain meds that alter who I am and make me sleep. Though I don’t do well with pain either I still choose it to try to cope without that heavy duty medication,

At this point tonight I choose Frustration over under the influence.

Maybe I’m just confused.

tjhelser 2012


One thought on “Patience, Where Art Though? Part Two

  1. Pingback: Still Waiting…..and Waiting….On The Man | Lady Barefoot Baroness

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